The turn of events after the recent media flops of presidential spokesman Edwin Lacierda and DepEd Secretary Bro. Armin Luistro just saved me from days of self-induced boredom.
Before, reporters worry how to deal with snobbish personalities; now these public figures have to worry with the persistent journalists. Fresh off from the seminar on proper dealing with the media, Lacierda and members of President Aquino’s Cabinet appear jolly and overly-accommodating to media men. Now I wonder whether that seminar is actually an acting workshop. Whew! Baka sweet-sweetan lang yan!
To deflect the issue, Lacierda and Luistro should have filed a motion asking the court to allow the Ampatuans to attend that seminar. In the next press briefing, sabihin nila sa media: “Kung kami nambabara, yung mga Ampatuan nambubura. Who do you prefer?” Oh, di ba astig!
First a disclaimer: This post is not meant to disparage our security guards. They have noble jobs and earn a decent living. I know these people do their best and invest sweat on their work just to feed their families. I’m sure all they want is to make their life better like we all do. In fact, Juan Kukute believes that security guards are some of the most hardworking people he met in his life. He befriended a few and not one of them is named Mikey Arroyo. Who cares anyway, that fellow only wants to frisk bulging pockets in Congress. Well, back to my point, this article is not intended to insult. If you get offended, pangit ka, hala.
Their job is just to stand, frisk, and secure the people and premises. Of those three, people notice that our security guards only understand the standing part, at least that’s the general public perception. I defer. However, the thing I cannot really fathom about these guards is their funny presence. Now maybe you’re thinking what I’m up to.
Compared probably to other countries, the Philippines has more visible security guards in every public entrances and exits. They can be seen all over the Philippines, usually uniformed and armed with two-gauge sawed-off shotgun or a revolver (mostly paltik and Danao-made). Good that their presence deters amateur criminals and vagrants. Except for bulky bank security guards with semi-automatic rifles and obviously retired or discharged members of the police or armed forces, most of those we see in small establishments can’t even kick a pail. Jezz, even Juan Kukute can tackle one, at least the smirking 5’4 and maybe 119 pounder guard he always sees in a mall in Commonwealth Avenue. I don’t know what’s wrong with the guy, but he’s pathetically bored.
Anyway, as what I’m saying, most guards in the Philippines have funny issues (or is it with me only, lol). Usually in malls, commercial establishments, and train stations, you will see them in the entrance door behind a small long table they use to examine bags and packages. As we all know, there’s a line for males attended by a male security guard and queues for females overseen by a female guard. Noticeably, those without detectors use a stick to inspect the people’s belongings. I don’t know about that wood gadget, but they seem to trust its magic. They lazily use it to pick on bags while looking at the other end of the line. Wow, that must be effective because so far nobody’s been caught with a knife or a gun, at least maybe to their knowledge. After inspection of bags and packages, they frisk your waist and back, tap your bottom, and feel you up. Again no hidden weapons found. If you’re getting an idea, drop it pal. Don’t try to test them and bring something bladed. That will be too risky. Even dumb cops get lucky lol.
Do you remember that security expert who tested the status of Philippine airline security and pulled it off many years ago? I can’t remember what his contrabands were, but he entered the airport with probably a knife, bomb, or a gun, booked a domestic flight, entered and left the plane without anyone knowing he would have made a tragic ending for some people in midair if he was a real terrorist. After the test, he reported to the media and boom! Many men in expensive suits got bitchslapped.
I am not a security expert, but I know most of the security guards we see are obviously amateurs. I will understand if they will be the first runners at the sound of a gunshot. I can’t blame them. With the small change they take home from their salaries, who would risk his life in a nonsense skirmish. For us people, the best we can do is just respect them. Just don’t get too lax with their presence.
Just a postscript: Why is it they usually let foreigners or people in good suits pass them without frisking or inspection? Crazy. Remember, not all terrorists are homebred and stay in Malacanang for 9 years.
President Arroyo just bid farewell to the PNP during the “command and exit briefing” for her at Camp Crame. In her speech, she thanked the police force for their loyalty during her 9-year term in office. She arrived looking so excited at seeing the police force and left hoping not one of them would someday show up at her doorstep.
In the Philippines, politicians came from more varied fields than anywhere in the world. In other countries, the politicians are still usually lawyers and economists just like before in the Philippines. Since 1986 until at present, Philippine politics became crowded with people from different professions: military, showbiz, media, Church, sports, and many others. Although their politician’s coat changes their appearance, their tongues often betray them to the public with regard to their previous professions.
For you to have an idea, just imagine these politicians (neophyte and old-timers) speaking their lines and you’ll know what Juan Kukute is talking about:
Congressman-elect Manny Pacquiao (in a House deliberation):
“Mr. Speaker, I say we can’t easily knock out that proposed bill. The bill from this House and its counterpart in the Senate is a good match up. If the loss is due to technical decision, I believe we can still box our way out of this and engage in another round of deliberation. There’s still too much angle to use. To be honest, I’m slighted and insulted by the verbal jabs being thrown at me by some of our colleagues from this House. It’s a low blow Mr. Speaker and not fitting to the stature we honorably protect. I’m not promoting myself, but I feel like I’m the underdog here. I don’t need the cheers, the upper cuts on budget, or be hooked up with the right people here. Mr. Speaker, I just do my best to make my people happy. You know!”
Congresswoman-elect Lanie Mercado (speaking in a heated House Committee hearing):
“I’m not acting Mr. Chairman. I play my role mandated by law and my constituents. Do not cut me off like that again. If you’ll ask me Mr. Chairman, I can compare this committee hearing to a scene poorly directed. We have a very bad casting here Mr. Chairman. I tell you, this will flop.”
Outgoing Senator Rodolfo Biazon (in a political party meeting):
“Very strategic. Our position is secured. I suggest the mapping out of all possible scenarios. There may be a heightened public resistance on the issue. While we should not appear defensive, I suggest that we attack this subject with utmost caution. We might reinforce it with effective counterattacks once the other side stock up their legal arsenal. The key is to just go back to our objectives and mission.”
Former Pampanga Governor Fr. Among Ed Panlilio (speaking to his supporters):
“My spirit is uplifted by your support. After reflection, I realized that my life has higher purpose. As a father of this province, I promise to become a good servant. For years, we’ve seen our people burdened by the cross of poverty. Through unity and fellowship to one another, I know we will overcome the evils of corruption that afflict Pampanga for decades. Join me in celebration for a new life in the province. Let us not show fear to those who may coerce us but let our good will be done.”
Juan Kukute went to heaven, hell, and back to ask the past and present presidents how they will describe their terms in office. Here are their answers:
Marcos: A profitable business venture.
Cory: A messy housekeeping.
Ramos: A luxurious journey
Erap: A party gone bad.
GMA: A fabuluous family affair.
Noynoy: This will be a long retreat!!! Basta may yosi break...
To help students easily grasp the subject on synonyms and at the same time be more analytical, Juan Kukute suggests that Filipino teachers in English subject use more relevant graphic aides like this one.
The race for the DILG post is heating up. Sought for comment, President-elect Noynoy Aquino who reportedly considering Jesse Robredo (the first Filipino mayor to win the Ramon Magsaysay Award) for the DILG post, said he only wants "the best and the brightest" in his Cabinet.
Asked for his opinion whether he thinks he will still get the coveted position, Binay said: “I believe I'm one of the best, but I’m in the dark”.
